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https://accounts.ulster.ac.uk/repo24/files/original/6fbd117619e19dea050f083e07219423.pdf
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Text
�Contents
Page
Introduction
111
Preface
V
Mixed Emotions- Foreword
Vll
Say all you have to say
1
We walked the walk
8
Family is the most important thing
15
Go for it and be happy
22
We don't need to be labelled
29
You two against the rest
36
A little tolerance goes a long way
43
xi
�Contents
Page
Our love encourages respect
50
Not enough Christianity
57
Love conquers everything
64
A short history of mixed marriage in Ireland
71
x ii
�Our love encourages respect
50
�Our love encourages respect
Stephen and Sharon live in a small village in the
Fermanagh lakelands. They have been married for
five years. Stephen, whose father was killed in the
'Poppy Day' bombing of Enniskillen, has suffered
severe ill-health as a direct result of being in the same
explosion. Sharon, whose Mum died only days before
this interview, works in retail in the town. They make
a strong team that faces the future with hope and
humour.
"M
ixed marriage is all about compromise", says
Sharon, "we have learned to compromise and,
hopefully, one day we will be blessed with children and
will be faced with more decisions and more compromises
about their upbringing." "Yes," says Stephen, "trying to
see the other person's point of view helps us all to see
that little bit better."
Sharon was born in Bantry in County Cork, but spent
nearly all of her primary school years in Surrey where
she had friends of different religions and races. "Those
things weren't considered important in England, but we
came to live in Enniskillen when I was about 10 and I
learned that they do things differently over here. It was a
culture shock."
Sharon lived in an all-Catholic street, attended an allCatholic primary school and had no Protestant friends.
"It took me a while to get used to this. I had always been
brought up to take people as I found them and to treat
51
�everyone the same, but when I went on a holiday to
England and brought back little presents of pencils for
my schoolmates, the pencils with the rubbers on the top,
I found that I couldn't hand them out. They had Union
Jacks printed on them and the local schoolteacher, a wellknown Nationalist, would have had a fit. It's sad.
Something so simple, taken so seriously. Petty really."
Sharon was lucky in that she was chosen as a 16 year old
student at Enniskillen's Mount Lourdes convent to take
a cross-community trip to America as part of the Ulster
Project to the United States. "It was a life-changing
experience", she says. "Six Protestants and six Catholics
spending four weeks thousands of miles from 'The
Troubles'. Our American host families were great and we
all bonded. These people, who had been strangers to me,
became like extended family within a very short time.
I'm glad to say that we still keep in touch with all of
them."
Sharon gave up the chance to go to university when her
late mother suffered a heart attack, but has no regrets. "I
chose to stay to help look after Mum and I'm glad. I went
from my old part-time Saturday job in retailer 'Next' to
full-time in the same branch. I had all the comforts of
home, as well as plenty of money and my own car. And I
got to appreciate my parents. What more could you ask?"
Stephen was born in Enniskillen into a forces' family.
"My late father was a station sergeant in the Royal Ulster
Constabulary, while my mother served in the Ulster
Defence Regiment. Several other members of my family,
who were also in the security forces, were killed during
52
�'The Troubles'." As a boy Stephen had friends of both
denominations. "We moved about a fair bit in the early
days and lived in predominantly Protestant areas", he
says, "but, I didn 't choose my friends by their religion. I
wasn 't brought up like that. In fact, my best friends, the
Byrne boys, were Catholics."
Stephen's father retired from the force in 1985 and father
and son grew closer. "I'm sure that my childhood had
been overshadowed by the fear that something bad would
happen to my father, my mother or my brother. They
were all on the front line against terrorism at one time or
another. That eased when dad left the RUC and life
looked brighter than ever."
All that ended tragically, when former sergeant Samuel
Gault was among eleven people killed in the Provisional
IRA's bombing of the Remembrance Sunday gathering
in Enniskillen in 1987. Stephen, who had just turned 18,
was standing beside his father when the explosion
occurred.
"Initially, when I came round, I could hardly see because
of the dust and I still remember the choking sensation.
My father was lying at my feet and I knew straight away
that he was dead. For about a week or so I was in a daze,
but my mother was fantastic. One minute, she had had a
husband, next she had nobody. She was on her own, but
she handled herself with dignity and helped us through
those tragic and traumatic circumstances. I remember the
wake and the Catholic people who came to offer their
condolences. One man said to me, 'These people didn't
do this in our name ' . I knew he was right and listened
53
�when my mother said, ' You can't get drawn into any sort
of trouble or with any bad people in retaliation for what
happened. You have to live your life '."
Two weeks after the bombing Stephen developed
psoriasis which has since developed into psoriatic
arthritis. "During the past 24 years", he says, "I have
undergone every treatment available for both conditions.
Sharon injects me twice a week with the latest of these
drugs. It is not a cure, but it does give my joints a bit more
freedom of movement."
Before Stephen started this treatment in 2006, he was
unable to walk or drive and virtually bed-ridden. "Sharon
had to dress and feed me and it was a dark time. I still
suffer depression, sleep deprivation and anxiety after all
this time and I know that what I am going through is a
direct result of the bomb on 8th November 1987."
Sharon and Stephen met in Enniskillen Golf Club in
2003. "We got chatting", she says, "Stephen knew my
Dad without knowing me and we realised that we had
actually lived very close to one another when we were
younger. We started going out together and that was it."
"Yes", says Stephen, "there was no talk of religion. We
liked each other and religion didn't come into it."
"Religion was never an issue for us", says Sharon, "but
it was for other relations in our families. The funny thing
is that it was the actual wedding ceremony, rather than
the marriage itself, that caused the most 'concern ' .
Church or chapel, priest or minister? That kind of thing.
To be honest, we believe that it was more to do with
54
�'what will the neighbours say' and not the fact that we
were about to become a mixed marriage couple."
"Our mixed marriage is probably different from many
others because Stephen's family was directly affected by
the violence and I am sure some people had a lot of
reservations about Stephen marrying a Catholic girl from
Cork."
"We learned to deal with the disapproval of others", says
Stephen, "not friends or family, but from outsiders and
strangers. And I'm glad we did. If you are lucky enough
to find your soul mate, regardless of religion, colour or
race, you shouldn't think twice about marriage. Just go
for it."
Sharon and Stephen married in Rossorry Church of
Ireland with both families attending and both clergy
playing their parts. "An aunt from England had suggested
we marry in Spain", says Sharon, "I suppose she thought
she was giving good advice, but, thank goodness, we
ignored it. We had a great day to be proud of."
Stephen says, "Advice is all well and good when it comes
from the right source. I would urge couples to contact the
N orthem Ireland Mixed Marriage Association
(NIMMA) , as well as their own clergy. Families think
that they are doing the best for you by offering advice
and support on what they think is right. However, it may
be right for them, but not right for you. Go to the people
who know about these things."
"We were lucky with our family backgrounds and the
way we were brought up", says Sharon. "We were aware
55
�of each other's religion and respect each other's beliefs.
Our love encourages that respect and we now attend and
participate in each other's church services regularly." "I
think it's not about what church you go to", says Stephen,
"but who you go with and the love you bring with you
that really counts."
Sharon & Stephen
56
��
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
A name given to the resource
Mixed Emotions (<em>collection</em>)
Description
An account of the resource
Mixed Emotions is a collection containing 10 personal accounts / stories about mixed marriage (between Protestants and Catholics) in Northern Ireland. Nine of the accounts are based on joint interviews of the married couple. The accounts were published in book format in 2012.<br /><strong>McLaughlin, Paul.</strong> (2012). Mixed Emotions: Real stories of mixed marriage, (Northern Ireland Mixed Marriage Association; NIMMA). Belfast: NIMMA.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Northern Ireland Mixed Marriage Association (NIMMA)
Subject
The topic of the resource
Personal accounts / stories related to the issue of mixed marriage in Northern Ireland.
Publisher
An entity responsible for making the resource available
Northern Ireland Mixed Marriage Association (NIMMA)
Date
A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource
2012
Format
The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource
Book
Language
A language of the resource
English
Stories Collected
Non DC - Number of stories recorded as part of the project.
10
Collection Permission Form
Non DC - Collection permission form signed and returned.
Yes (signed 13 October 2014)
Identifier
An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context
ISBN 978-0-9571669-1-2
Stories Deposited
Non DC - Number of stories deposited with Accounts of the Conflict.
8
Permission Form Scanned
Non DC - Scan of permission form uploaded to archive.
Yes
Delayed Access
Non DC - Yes/No on request for delayed access.
No
Availability Online
Non DC - Availabilty Status (deposited, delayed, external, cain)
deposited
Publication
A book, article, monograph etc.
Author
Author of the publication
Stephen, and Sharon.
Date Type
Publication, Submission, Completion date etc.
2012
Publication Title
Full title of publication, as it appears on item.
<span>'Our love encourages respect', chapter in, </span><strong>McLaughlin, Paul.</strong><span> (2012). Mixed Emotions: Real stories of mixed marriage, (Northern Ireland Mixed Marriage Association; NIMMA). Belfast: NIMMA.</span><br /><span>ISBN 978-0-9571669-1-2</span>
Publisher Location
Place of publication: city / town
Belfast
Publisher
Northern Ireland Mixed Marriage Association (NIMMA)
Publication Type
Report, Book, Manual etc.
Chapter in book
Publication Status
Published, in Press, Unpublished, etc.
Published
Number of Pages
6
ISBN
978-0-9571669-1-2
Dublin Core
The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/.
Title
A name given to the resource
<em>Our love encourages respect</em><span>, by Stephen and Sharon (</span><em>story text</em><span>)</span>
Description
An account of the resource
The text, in PDF (Portable Document Format), of one of 10 personal accounts about 'mixed marriage' in Northern Ireland. The account was published as a chapter in the book 'Mixed Emotions'.
Creator
An entity primarily responsible for making the resource
Paul McLaughlin / NIMMA
Publisher
An entity responsible for making the resource available
Northern Ireland Mixed Marriage Association (NIMMA)
Date
A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource
2012
Format
The file format, physical medium, or dimensions of the resource
Text; PDF
Language
A language of the resource
English
Availability Online
Non DC - Availabilty Status (deposited, delayed, external, cain)
deposited
Mixed Emotions
NI Mixed Marriage Assoc